Insta(gram)nt Reminder

Yesterday morning I deleted my Instagram account.

BOOM!

Gone.

Three, nearly 4 years worth of memories from Japan. With nearly 2500 photos, that’s a lot of time spent photographing and ultimately, preserving what I considered to be important aspects of my life and happenings in the world around me.

So, why then, did I decide to delete it?

For a number of reasons.

Firstly, I’m of the mind that 2016 deserves to be forgotten. Too much shit went down that was fucked up and I have no desire to remember the majority of it was snapshots. I’m not avoiding it; believe me, I have gone over every minute detail in my head many, many times and now it’s time to leave it where it deserves to be: in the past.

The second reason is probably the most important: I don’t want anything to do with anyone from last year either. For most people unfortunately they’re guilty only by association, but that’s enough for me. I had already unfollowed everyone in Hiroshima as the first step, but I realised that I didn’t want them seeing my life anymore either. A friend suggested I block them, which I also did, before saying I should just make my profile private.

My response: if you don’t want anyone but friends to see your photos, why have an Instagram account? You can just email or message the photos directly to your friends.

Thirdly, I’m starting a new book, that is, a new chapter in my life and there’s no need to keep reminding myself of Hiroshima. Why waste time on a place where I will no longer live? To me, that’s not being fully present in the time and place where I currently am? I know in my heart that I’ve already left; it’s simply my body that is still here. My mind moved sometime ago.

Hence, BOOM!

I don’t need an Insta(gram)nt Reminder of the past. There’s too much happening in the present.

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Let the countdown begin!

Oh my god, the stress! Yes, as you all well know from my post yesterday!

But, after taking a day off work , sleeping all morning, having a shower and eating sushi for lunch with a side of gelato afterwards and then heading home for another four hours of sleep, I went for coffee, listened to some podcasts and came home to find…

Bingo! My uterus finally decided it was time.

And thank fuck for that.

It’s also time to announce that the countdown has begun.

25 days! 25 days until I leave Hiroshima and Japan.

It’s been a ride and yes, of course the good has outweighed the bad. I’ve experienced more than I ever thought possible (and in some cases, more than I ever should have) and I’ve become a really fantastic person. Or perhaps I should say, I just realised that the fantastic person has always existed and I couldn’t see it. Believe me, I do now!

I’m not going to write a huge list of things I did here and will always remember because they’ve gone. Time for the next chapter of my life to begin.

I do, however, want to say that my last few days here I really want to enjoy. I feel a lot less stressed today than I did yesterday and as my mum would tell you, I always stress, despite the fact that I know everything will be done on time and okay. 🙂

I’m going/coming home!

Let the countdown begin!

Post Panic Attack

I rang my mum yesterday after I had my panic attack and she said she can totally understand why that happened.

She said she never thought I’d come back to Australia and that I’d live in Japan forever. I told her that yesterday someone asked me if my rapist ex wasn’t here, would I reconsider my decision. I said probably. She said, “He spoiled everything for you, didn’t he?” I said yep, he had, but that it wasn’t my main reason to leave. I don’t want him taking all the credit for the best decision I’ve ever made in my life!

The best part of the conversation though, was when she said, “I always hated Felix.” Mums know when someone is a crazy arsehole. We need to listen to them more.

🙂

Panic Attack

I’m currently sitting in Tully’s coffee shop near my apartment and reading.

Or I was, until a few minutes ago when I realised that I was having my first panic attack in ages.

Sure, I have PMS, but I’m also having a delayed reaction to my decision to leave Japan and move back to Australia.

I’m not reconsidering. I’m simply saying that I realised this has possibly been the hardest decision of my life to make. I don’t know why I didn’t see this earlier. I mean it’s taken me two years to make. Of course it hasn’t been easy and I’ll admit it, I’m fucking scared.

When did this place stop being my home and start feeling like it’s sucking me dry?

Today while I stood watching my students race around the park my heart was suddenly filled with such emotion: love. I haven’t felt that for a long time and it made me think, shit, what the fuck are you doing leaving?!

I know deep down I need to go but that doesn’t stop part of my brain from suddenly jumping up and down and saying, seriously, why don’t you just stay? It would be easier.

A coworker asked me today if FF (Fuckface, my rapist ex) didn’t live in the same city would I reconsider.

I said probably.

But then, as I said it’s not the main reason.

I know these are all normal reactions but still, they’re not nice.

I know if I don’t leave my life will never change for the better, but then, how many of us stay in shitty situations because it’s comfortable?

All I can say to myself is: Jade, remember last year and how he made you feel. It’s the same with Hiroshima.

The Daiso Diaries: Chapter 20

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Last time I wrote I had yet another sinus infection. Well, after demanding a week of antibiotics from the doctor, I am better, but I don’t think it had anything to do with the medicine.

Let me explain.

As you all know, last week I decided to give myself some time off/out/whatever word you want to use, from the Internet and social media and well, communication in general actually.

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking over the past few months (oh, okay, the past two years) about staying in Japan or deciding to move on and I finally made the decision.

I’m moving back to Australia in January.

And making that decision was what I believe cleared up my sinus infection. It was mostly from stress.

Now I don’t want this week’s column to be all about that (I’ll write a separate blog post), but I do need to say that I won’t be continuing my Daiso column in Australia. It’s a Japanese thing, not an Australian thing and anyway, I’ll be really busy with my new job! (I’ll also be writing a post on this).

Anyway, let’s just launch into this week’s column and I’ll tell you at the end when my final column will be.

I once said that I was going to set myself the challenge of eating only konbini (コンビニ) food for a week, but so far, I’ve never done it. Either the appeal wore off or I realised my diet was comprised of mostly konbini food anyway, so it was hardly a challenge.

I was thinking about that the other day and then started considering the food possibilities in Daiso and whether you could actually make a full week of eating ONLY Daiso products. After browsing in my local Daiso, I decided it is ABSOLUTELY doable.

In fact, there are enough options to eat something different for every meal for seven days. Yep, you heard me; no repeats. I’m not saying these are going to be balanced or healthy meals, but it is food (of a sort). And because I’m an amazing person, I have devised a sample menu of three meals a day and snacks. Obviously, nothing is fresh. Duh.

So, let’s begin!

Monday:

Breakfast: Blendy coffee stick Café Au Lait (‘half the calories’ brand).

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Lunch: Onigiri (おにぎり) or riceballs (however many you want!)

NOTE: Not all shops have these! Wait, I said nothing was fresh…these are fresh (kind of) if you can find them. Not all Daiso branches stock them.

Dinner: Cup noodles.

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Snacks: Banana chips. I can eat a pack in one sitting as a snack, but I guess you could be frugal and split it for two snacks in a day.

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Tuesday:

Breakfast: SoyJoy breakfast/snack bars (all different flavours so you can choose whatever suits your fancy).

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Lunch: Miso soup (whatever flavour you want; many kinds).

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Dinner: Hello Kitty pasta shapes with canned tomatoes and spices or a ready-made pasta sauce (YES! All available at Daiso!)

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Snacks: Pickled plums.

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Wednesday:

Breakfast: Muffin Cakes.

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Lunch: Sandwich with beans and/or corn (the bread and other baked goods are usually at the front of the shop or just near the cash registers).

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Dinner: Curry.

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Snacks: Fruit tea.

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Okay, I’m bored. You get my point. It IS possible to find food to eat at Daiso for every meal.

The question is: do you want to?

The answer is either: A. No, not really or B. Hell yes, because I’m paying less than 1000 yen per day to eat.

Fuck! That’s cheap! That would literally halve my weekly food budget… but… and there is a but… I would probably be lacking in essential vitamins and minerals.

Then again… Daiso also has a section of health supplements…

It’s all up to you!

What do you really want?

I know what I want.

And that brings me to the end of this week’s column and in fact, the end of The Daiso Diaries. Yep, I decided I need the time to start getting ready and packed up and writing these consists of a lot of time and research. I’ve had a blast and I hope you’ve enjoyed reading them. I will be starting some new projects back in Australia as well as a new blog… so stay tuned! I will let you know, I promise.

Thank you.

Phone rules

Sending messages at any time of the day or night is the done thing here and it seems to be acceptable but in Australia, hell no.

You don’t ring someone after about 8pm and you definitely don’t send a message at midnight. In fact people who do are either telling you bad news or it’s a booty call. Or it’s New Year’s Eve. They are the only exceptions.

I’ve fallen into the trap of doing it here too and that means that my sleep is now disturbed.

It’s funny because I had a friend here once complain about my early morning messages and yet she had no problem sending them to me in the middle of the night. Go figure.