It’s time to get out of your comfort zone

I read an article the other day that made me fucking mad.

You can read it here, but it can be summed up as the response that John Oliver faced after he confronted Dustin Hoffman about the sexual abuse allegations he’s facing. Oliver was told it was the wrong time and place to question him.

My response to that is:

THERE IS NEVER A WRONG (or right!) TIME AND PLACE TO TALK ABOUT SEXUAL ABUSE.

Those mother-fucking arseholes who did the crime deserved to be called out whenever and wherever. Oh, I’m sorry, it made YOU uncomfortable?! Imagine how those women felt when it happened to them.

When I informed a male coworker earlier this year what had happened to me, his response was that talking about it was making him feel uncomfortable. I hit back with, “Well you should be, because you’re part of the problem by not standing up for women who are telling you their story!” I went on to say that it was mighty uncomfortable to have a penis shoved into my vagina when I’d said no, but sure, if this is making you uncomfortable than I’m really sorry. Not.

I want to say thank you to John Oliver from women everywhere.

 

 

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And while we’re on the subject of gender…

I will never forget Introduction to Anthropology 1008 at The University of Queensland.

It was 2001 and I was a first year BA student learning that sex was biological, gender was a construct.

I’ve never forgotten the lecture we learned that in, or that fact.

It’s all so interesting.

When I shaved my head everyone loved it. They said, “Wow, you’re so brave!” or, “You’re even more beautiful!”

My first thought was: did you not think I could be beautiful with a shaved head? Or was it because I’m a woman you thought that?

Years ago I wouldn’t have done it. I was still so afraid of people expecting me to be a certain way and fitting in. I’ve learned that fitting in is often boring (you’re then stereotyped and labelled) and yet at the same time, being yourself is when you truly do fit in because people admire you and love you because of it, not in spite of it.

Being considered to be feminine or masculine is also a construction. It’s what society conditions us to feel.

Women should wear this, act like this or think like this. It’s the same for men.

Clothing is a huge part of gender construction and I will admit that when I wear more, ‘masculine,’ clothes (yes, I used that word for the purpose of my point, not because I believe in it!) I do act a different way. My whole demeanour changes. And I sometimes feel that I can get away with spreading my legs, being unladylike or swearing like a trooper more when I’m in those clothes. It’s liberating in a sense.

I’ve been told more than once that I often like unusual looking people. Of course! I like those who are beautiful in a unique way. I have no issue with saying I like someone or that someone is beautiful whether they are male or female.

I shocked someone the other day when I told them I usually like men, but I have had relationships with women. I don’t see any distinction between feelings. Love is love whoever it is.

Androgynous people aka gender-bending people are possibly the epitome of free. They can be whoever and whatever they choose to be. Maybe that’s why I love fashion so much. It can both enhance and eliminate gender.

As Rain Dove, the androgynous supermodel once said via her choice of t-shirt: “Gender is over if you want it.”

 

OMG, I have a new celebrity crush!

Oguri Shun, your reign is over.

I have a new celebrity crush who is everything a person I love should be: inspiring, brave, intelligent, a killer personality and most of all, authentic. For me to truly love someone, they need to be themselves, not change themselves into what society tells them to be.

Rain Dove is just the person.

Rain Dove is a New York androgynous supermodel taking on the world. She’s into gender-bending and is causing a stir because she isn’t afraid to be herself. She is breaking down barriers, labels and stereotypes and people love her because of it.

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Photo courtesy of Rain Dove’s personal Instagram account @raindovemodel

How refreshing to have someone who challenges everything we’ve ever been told or taught. 🙂

 

A new dating term I learned

I might teach English but I’m also constantly learning new words and there’s been a recent trend for new words on the topic of dating. This was one I learned about today and to be honest, I felt like this through my entire relationship or whatever it was last year. Mind you, I don’t think he has any friends he could have introduced me to anyway! 🙂

Read about the word, ‘stashed,’ here.

 

 

Would I really want that though?

Last year one of my ex-students asked me what I wanted for Christmas.

I told her a remote control so I had the ability to erase the last six months of my life.

Memories can be a fucking shit of a thing. Good ones become better, etched into your mind as things that are exaggerated as time goes on, and yet the bad ones, either become worse or you convince yourself that they weren’t as bad as they were.

That’s the trouble with memories. They exist, but only because we remember them.

If you think about that, it’s pretty amazing. We give something completely transparent and non-existent in a material sense, a solid, ‘body,’ as it were, to continue living.

But what if you could erase the bad memories and never have to think about them again?

That’s exactly what this article talks about. Using drugs you can completely alter your memories and thus, they will never have existed.

My first thought was: Great! I could get rid of that horrible experience or the series of events leading to it and essentially obliterate a person I used to know.

My second thought was: but if I erased all that, wouldn’t I also erase all the valuable lessons I learned as a result of those shitty, shitty experiences?

And finally, my third and final thought was: what happens if the drugs also change my other memories?

I’m starting to think I would rather have the bad memories which fade over time as I add new ones to my brain.

But maybe that’s just me.