As I emptied the grass cuttings from the lawn mover I suddenly thought: what has my life come to? Here I am being domestic and I never wanted this.
You signed up for it though, my wife had once said.
Yet here I was, still playing her game.
Would I ever be free of her? Probably not. She seemed to have her claws firmly in my skin still, yet she didn’t want me. She just liked to play with me, like a cat with a mouse.
I sighed and thought about the girl whose heart I had broken. She would never forgive me and what I had done to her was unspeakable. I had no excuse. I don’t know why I did it. I hated myself for it more than she could ever know. I wanted to tell her, I really did, but she refused to speak to me.
I was trapped. I hated my current situation and yet I was too scared to step out of my comfort zone and try again. I didn’t think I would ever love again and yet I had.
And you fucked it up, my ex-wife had said.
I’d told her about the girl. The woman, I corrected myself. The most interesting, mesmerising and wonderful woman I’d ever known and I’d let her get away.
I wondered if it was too late…