A little harsher.
Yes. I’ve evolved.
Like everything in life, people change and this year marks my third year straight here in Japan and in Hiroshima. I’ve learned a lot here, I’ve had a lot of great experiences but fuck man, I’ve also had some of the worst experiences of my life. I’ve cried many, many tears, but funnily enough (if I can use that term), all of that has involved men.
A friend saw me the other night and said, “Wow, your hair looks great and you look happy!”
He’s right. As I told him, I ditched all the shitty men in my life who I was letting hold me back and hence, being single and free is the best thing for me right now.
I’ve been reading a lot lately about how long it takes to really settle in and it seems that three years is the significant milestone. I can say that after deciding to go to Tokyo last weekend, I have finally found my groove.
My first two years I spent socialising and drinking and going out a lot. Sure, I did meet people, but out of all of them, I don’t keep in contact with anyone. The real friends I met were ones I met when I was sober and at English cafes or events.
I don’t have a problem with having a drink and it’s part of life in Japan, but I felt after reading that so many people class it as their hobby or meeting people who complain that they want to change their life and then they just go and get drunk, is not something I’m interested in.
When I lived in Tokyo I was very young, I was naive and I don’t feel I was ready for the city back then. I didn’t cope with stress very well and I ran back to Australia.
It took me eight years to get back to Japan and I have never ever regretted that decision.
In the past, I felt like I wasted a lot of time here but now I can see that it was just me sorting out my shit.
I have had many conversations with Western men here and they all agree with me: most of them come here to escape something and most of them never get their shit together.
One American man told me the other day that women are far stronger than men and I said yes, I agree. The women here are far more ambitious than the men (I’m including Western and Japanese women) and seem to be able to deal with the stuff that’s thrown at them.
I was seeing a guy here for a few weeks and although I like him, I love myself far, far more. I sat down the other night with him and told him I will never consider another man in my decisions about my life. Tokyo helped me to see that the ambitious Jade that’s been hiding in Hiroshima for three years has finally broken free and I’m not willing to sit and waste my time here or anywhere else anymore.
I kind of feel like an older, wiser and definitely harsher Jade. I feel like my motivation mojo is back.
And I do need a change of pace and place.
P.S. This is kind of unrelated, but I can’t be bothered writing another post about it because I don’t actually care… I’ve discovered that men think more than me and when they finally start talking about it, they don’t stop. Please stop. You go around and around in circles and you’re all talk and no action. Don’t complain about your life when you know you have the power to change it. Secondly, not everything is about you. Stop being so self-obsessed. My daily writing prompts are fiction, creative fiction and if you recognise yourself in one of those prompts, maybe it means you’re guilty and you need to take a hard look at yourself.