If he doesn’t try…

He's just not that into you.

It's funny what others can see in us that sometimes we can't or that we may simply be unaware of. Or…

That we may be unwilling to acknowledge and fix.

The other night a friend was flicking through some photos on my old computer and came across one I described as post breakup.

Her first words, "God, you were so skinny!" were quickly followed by, "Your eyes show you are deeply unhappy."

I peered more closely at the screen. She was right. Why hasn't I seen that before? It was blatantly obvious.

It's no wonder then, that friends have been saying for nearly a year how happy and stress-free I am.

It's true. I thought what I wanted again was going to make me happy when I'm actually already there.

As the same friend lamented her lack of boyfriend and whether she should sleep with this guy or that guy I suddenly said, "None of them because they're all just not that into you."

We'd also just been talking about the movie of the same name and they're also the same words that another friend's husband said to me last year, much to her horror.

He went on to explain that it had nothing to do with me but because the person in question just loved himself more. He meant the love was coming from a place of deep selfishness, not one of self-worth and respect.

My mum said the same thing to me this morning. She said that until now I obviously still hadn't thought I was good enough for better and was just going to settle. I didn't think I was like that.

I think what cemented it in my mind were the words I told my friend last night:

"I won't have to try and make the right guy like me or apologize for being myself. He will love that and just accept me like my family and friends do. It will be easy and he won't make me cry or question everything anymore."

I guess by saying them aloud to someone else for their benefit rather than my own I suddenly realized I believed in them and myself now.

I don't need to look for anything and neither does she. It will find us.

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