I have to be honest. I’ve been dreading the lead-up to this week.
Let me explain.
This Friday is the first day of Toukasan, the biggest festival in Hiroshima and one of the oldest yukata, or summer-style kimono festivals, in Japan. It is also recognised as the official start to summer.
And, it is the one year anniversary of when I had my first date with my ex.
For weeks now I’ve been waking up and thinking, today was the day he first sent me a message asking if I was interested in a date. Today is the day I replied. Blah, blah, blah.
I have always hated Toukasan simply because of the crowds of people, but this year is a whole new level. I have also said every year that I would go, wear a yukata and have fun. I know it will never happen. My hatred of the crowds far outweighs my desire to be a girly girl and dress up.
I have been contemplating for weeks to get the fuck out of Hiroshima for the entire weekend so I don’t have to think about it, but to be honest, we all know that problems follow us wherever we go and no matter how much we run. It’s funny because I don’t think I have a problem going there on the Saturday or Sunday to check it out; it’s just the Friday night that bothers me.
Ironically enough, I have another date this Friday afternoon. A first date if you will. And it’s with a guy who I actually met at the same time last year. I was just beginning to get involved with my ex and we weren’t official, so I’d ended up having a lovely night (and overnight stay) with this other guy. No, it doesn’t make me a slut and no we didn’t sleep together, but we both knew we liked each other. He wanted more and at the time, I said no. I’m hoping this is a second chance.
I even remember people warning me at this time last year. I didn’t listen then, but I sure as hell am listening to them now! 🙂
I finally opened up yesterday to my mum and told her how I’ve been feeling and also about my date and her reply was, “So what? Go make new memories!”
She wasn’t being insensitive. She’s right.
And so that’s exactly what I’m going to do. I don’t want to remember last year. It was horrible. Just like cutting my dead hair, I need to forget dead stuff. I don’t want to resurrect that shit.