Forgiveness: for others or ourselves?

People always say that you should forgive others, even when they do unspeakable things;  Ghandi, the Dalai Lama, Nelson Mandela; three men who rose above their haters and those who wronged them and moved on.

I used to think that forgiveness was best too. It meant that you could let go of the anger and hate you felt towards the person and stop it from consuming you from the inside. In other words, it was for your own benefit, not the benefit of the other person.

That, I believe still holds true, but to be honest, I don’t believe anymore that everyone deserves forgiveness.

If someone is genuinely sorry, I will forgive them and as I’m not one to hold grudges, I won’t ever bring it up again. It’s gone, finished. You can only say sorry once; there’s no need to keep saying it if you are speaking from the heart.

But… if someone is just saying sorry to avoid conflict and stop me from not liking them, absolutely not. That says more about them than me. It says that they don’t want my disapproval and that they’re a selfish prick. If a person isn’t really sorry either or still doesn’t believe they did anything wrong, in my eyes, they also don’t deserve forgiveness.

From all the lessons I’ve learned in my life, the biggest one I’ve learned to date (finally, thank fuck!) is that sometimes you just need to realise and accept that some people are arseholes, they will never change their disgusting behaviour and no matter how much love you show them, they will always be this way. This also means that you don’t have to forgive them, you should not make excuses for their actions and they don’t deserve to be part of your life in ANY WAY.

Yes, you need to be strong and walk away. Some people are just toxic and there is nothing wrong with cutting someone out of your life for your own good and your own mental, emotional, spiritual and even physical health.

It was a hard lesson to learn and one that kept being repeated over and over and over. Hence why this quote is so important and why I want to leave you with it:

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And finally, the most important person you will ever have to forgive is yourself. Don’t be too hard on yourself for not recognising that someone was not the person you first thought they were. Lessons are hard to learn sometimes and being able to see the bad in people when you are someone who inherently tries to find the good, is one of those. People come in all sorts of disguises.

 

 

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