Share the Love:
I hadn’t realised until now just how angry I was, but the ball of emotion that had been sitting in the pit of my stomach like an oyster had turned into a festering wound that needed air to heal.
I swung wildly from disgust with him to disgust with myself for being a human doormat.
Some nights I found myself with my hand down my pants imagining his finger plundering me and yet at the same time hating him.
I’d tried everything: sleeping with other people, drinking until I passed out and avoiding all human contact just to try and erase the memories, but nothing was working. I didn’t know what else to do.
My sporadic hobby of watching porn had taken on an intensity I’d never experienced and even I had to admit that my latest fantasy was something that scared me just slightly.
I knew fantasies weren’t supposed to conform to any rules and thus, anything goes, yet I found myself actually considering carrying it out in real life.
I had developed a sudden fascination with strap-ons and I imagined myself wearing one and using it on him for a revenge fuck.
I wanted to inflict the same amount of pain on him that he had done to me.
I wanted him to cry out in pain, tears streaming down his face, begging me to stop.
But I wasn’t going to stop.
I was going to hold that bitch down and fuck him until he was bleeding.
Physical pain was nothing to the emotional and mental pain that continued long after everything else had healed.
I didn’t want him to forget.
I wanted him to own his shit.
I was going to share the love with him like he had done with me.