354. Turning Point:
Everyone has a turning point in their life. I’ve finally reached mine.
Someone asked me earlier this year what big event had changed my life. I couldn’t think of one off the top of my head so I guess nothing big had impacted on my life until that point. Maybe it isn’t one event… Maybe it’s a collection that build up and eventually you reach a breaking point if you will.
2016 has been a shit year. I know I’m not the only one who will be glad to see the back of it.
I want to write more but my inspiration recently has dried up. I think I put so much time and effort into my relationship this year that I not only nearly lost who I was in the process but lost inspiration. I put so much emotion into it and what a fucking waste that was.
I can’t even finish this post the way I want because I’m having trouble expressing it in words. Maybe words don’t work in this situation.
I often feel stuck at this time of year because I’m trying to work out what I’ll do next year in a country where I’m not a citizen and therefore have to worry about visas.
Sometimes I think it would be so much easier if I just packed up and went back to Australia but then I remember that despite everything bad that I’ve gone through in three years, I’m still here. I’m still trying and I love my friends and ‘family’ here. I know something always happens, but I feel this is the year I needed a shake up.
The one big, bad event of this year was a blessing in disguise I know, but I’m yet to connect the dots to the thing that’s been niggling in my brain for the past few months. I’m missing something, or rather, I’m not seeing what it is that I already have that I need to use to take that next step and get out of my rut.
I suspect that I’m scared of a number of things and some of them I’m honestly still not ready to face yet.
But I will be. I’m working on them.