264. Light at the End of the Tunnel:
Tunnels had always been their ‘thing.’ It had first started on the long bus journey into the city one morning when both of them were bleary eyed but happy, with huge smiles and that warm afterglow feeling that only couples can feel.
As they approached the tunnel he took her hand in his and she looked over at him, knowing exactly what he was thinking. He leant forward and kissed her then and as he pulled away, she slowly let out the breath she’d been holding. He knew what that meant and he grinned, but he also saw the look in her eyes and their lips met again and again and again. He pushed her hand down his body and she glanced around like a teenager, suddenly self conscious and hoping that no one could see what they were doing.
“It’s okay, it’s dark in the tunnel and no one can see,” he whispered in her ear, reading her mind.
She relaxed and went with it.
When had that stopped?
He sighed and leaned back in his seat. He looked over at the empty spot next to him. Bus rides and tunnels just weren’t the same anymore.
He missed her. He hadn’t expected that. Well at least, he hadn’t expected it to last this long. Did that mean something? He wasn’t sure. All he knew was that his best friend, the one person he wanted to tell things to, the one person he’d finally let in after so long was gone and he didn’t know what to do next.
He sighed again. Why was life so complicated and messy? Why couldn’t things like this just be easy?
Because if they were easy, they wouldn’t be worth it, whispered the little voice in his head.
Fuck he hated that voice.
She was always so positive. She always saw the good in people, even when they treated her like shit. He smiled at that thought. That’s rare to find. And she was interesting. He could listen to her for hours.
But we suck at relationships, he finally concluded. We fuck up all the time and maybe this time we’ve both blown it.
He banged the seat in front of him with his fist.
“FUCK!” he said out loud.
The few people who were awake on the bus raised their head to look at him, but when they realised he wasn’t some psycho who was going to go crazy on the bus and disturb their peace, soon went back to reading or listening to music.
For fuck’s sake, get it together, came the voice again. It’s easy, don’t make it more complicated than it is. You ‘care’ for her and yes, you know what I mean! She ‘cares’ for you. You are good together and if you’d both stop being so fucking stubborn and pigheaded, you would both see that you are not only a great team, you both help each other and you both need one another. That is all you need in life.
He rubbed his eyes. Too much thinking for this time of the morning.
But what about the future? He wondered.
FUCK THE FUTURE! Boomed the voice. The future will take care of itself.
But what about…?
He couldn’t believe he was having a conversation with the voice in his head. Then again, wasn’t the voice just another version of himself?
He groaned. She was right. He did think too much.
He stared ahead and saw another tunnel coming up. It was the long one. The one where he’d held her face in his hands and kissed her until he wasn’t sure he could control himself any longer.
He didn’t have much faith and he didn’t have much hope. She was the one who had both in bucket loads. He smiled at that thought. Maybe she has enough for both of us?
Yep, that was enough.
As the darkness loomed he took out his phone. The glow from its face was the only source of light and he smiled again at how poetic he suddenly realised the situation was. She was a writer, she was going to be so impressed with his attempt. Typing a message he grinned as he hit ‘send’ and realised that he’d been thrust back into the light of day.
“I’m on the bus and thinking of you… To be honest, it’s not the same without you around. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I do want you and I do need you and you’re right, there is always light at the end of the tunnel.”