Today’s prompt said to use a five minute timer and then write whatever. I wasn’t allowed to edit or stop writing, I just had to keep going with a stream of consciousness. I think perhaps this mess that is unedited and therefore, completely honest, is one of the scariest things I’ve ever written. It gives you some idea of what goes on in my mind and how I obviously have no filter.
Try not to judge.
Okay, here goes…
I have finished doing washing and all my jobs for this morning and I don’t feel like I have anything else I particularly want to achieve for today. Yep, I guess I have low expectations which is what my boyfriend joked about last week. Speaking of, I don’t even know if he is anymore because we had a fight (well I did the abusing) because of something that I won’t write here because it’s not really the place. I know my mind is one that thinks too much but who the fuck knows what he is thinking. To be honest the only thing that has kept me sane is imagining him falling off his bike and being rained on. I know that’s terrible and yes, whatever, go on, say what you want to say, but when someone does something really fucked up, sometimes you just need to imagine bad shit happening to them so they have some idea of how you’re feeling. Wow, is this five minutes up yet? I have nothing else I really want to say, so I guess I’ll just have to keep spewing out thoughts and bullshit ramblings. Last night I went for sushi and watched a friend pick it apart like a baby because he doesn’t like nori. What the fuck? He’s in Japan and he doesn’t eat seaweed? He’s not Japanese though, so maybe he doesn’t have that inherent taste for it. I’m not Japanese though and I like it. Fuck, what kind of bullshit rambling is this?! The weather is kind of cloudy and yuck and it makes me wonder whether next week when I have holidays if it’s going to be shit. Maybe that’s why my boyfriend went away this week and not next week. Did I mention he left without me and didn’t tell me? Yes, that’s right. We were going TOGETHER?! Whoops, I just said it wasn’t a place to air my dirty laundry. Looks like I just felt like I had to get it off my chest and say it. I am so fucking pissed off. I think though that the worst emotion I’m feeling is disappointment. I’ve been disappointed so many times that now I’ve given up and walked away.