He exercised control over everything. His books were arranged in alphabetical order, his clothes were categorized into colours and his diet was strictly calorie-controlled. All of these were to his specifications. He felt secure and safe knowing that everything was how he wanted it.
All except Jane.
He had no control over his feelings for her. They overwhelmed him to the point where he felt he was going insane and the only thing that relieved it was running. Lately he’d been running more than ever before. What was happening to him?
As he laced up his shoes for the second time that day, he took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Did she realise how he felt about her? Did she realise that she was the only thing he’d never been able to control and he didn’t know how to deal with that? She was a smart woman; he suspected she did. He also suspected that she had been aware of how he felt long before he had. Women were like that: intuitive. Or perhaps they just listened to their hearts, rather than their logical heads. He’d always struggled with that. As a highly sensitive person, but with a very logical and rational mind, he ignored his heart and relied on his brain. He knew in this matter though that his head was fighting a losing battle with his heart.
He needed to get away from everything and everyone, even Jane. Just for a few days, he told himself. He knew that was selfish and he knew that he should discuss it with her first, but he just couldn’t bring himself to do it. This was going to be his last hurrah, in a sense. He knew that and again, he suspected she knew that too. Once he came back, that was it. There were in it together for the long haul.
“Shit,” he muttered under his breath.
He ran his hands through his hair and took another deep breath. Time to run. Time to run and forget, even just for a little while. It was the only way he knew how to deal with it.