173. Silver Lining:
I guess I never truly understood the meaning of the phrase, ‘silver lining,’ until I was faced with a situation that scared the hell out of me.
I was living a life of freedom; I was single, had a great job (although not great money) and I was happy.
Then I met Adam.
He was charming, gorgeous, rich (although that didn’t matter to me) and he thought I was one of the most interesting people he’d ever met. That kind of person was rare and even though I was single, I found that I suddenly wanted a relationship with him.
The one big problem: he was married.
The thing though that scared the hell out of me was that he was in love with me too. He kept pushing me away, but we found ourselves being drawn together in the most unlikely of circumstances. When something went wrong, he called me or I called him. Our texting at night went on for hours and I was sleep deprived like never before.
My friends and even my mum told me to give him up, but he was like a drug. In the end, it all came to a head and one night after drinking far too much, I found myself sobbing uncontrollably on my kitchen floor. I realised that I had to walk away, but Adam had already made a choice that made that a lot easier. I found out all about it a week or so later.
One night when we met for dinner and he told me he was moving overseas for a new position. I found myself calm, collected and at that point I realised I wasn’t in love with him anymore. He had completely broken my heart and I had broken his, but we’d both survived, we’d both learned so much from each other about ourselves and that was what we had needed. It was the kind of relationship that you need to push you forward into a proper, grown-up relationship. Suddenly, I was free to love wholeheartedly again.
Yes, sometimes you can’t see it at the time, but even difficult relationships have a silver lining.