158. Party Animal:
“Yeah, but you’re a bit of a party animal, Jack!” he’d said to me.
He couldn’t have been further from the truth.
How do you explain to someone that likes you and has a completely different image of you, that you’re actually painfully shy and compensate for that by appearing as outgoing and the life of the party?
I had him fooled that’s for sure and I wasn’t quite sure how to change that. I wanted to change it more than anything. He genuinely liked me and wanted to know more about me, but for some reason I wasn’t very forthcoming on information.
Was I afraid he would find out that the real me was boring? Or if not boring, at least not what he had expected? I wasn’t sure.
I think I liked him more than I had thought possible, but I wasn’t convinced that I was willing to give up my life of singledom just yet. Was it because I was afraid? Possibly. Was it because I still wanted to muck around with other people? No, truthfully. I was over that. It made me feel empty and worthless and like a piece of meat and I knew that I would never find real love if I didn’t stop letting myself be treated like that.
I think it was time to take the plunge and see where it led.
But was I confident enough to take the first step?