141. It’s a Sign:
I was never one of those people who believed in signs.
“It’s a sign!” one of my friends would say every time I told her about something that had happened to me.
“A sign of what?” I’d ask.
She’d then go on a New-Age bullshit rant about the universe delivering and putting energy out there. I must say, I didn’t dismiss all her ideas. The energy thing was a valid point and a positive attitude versus a negative one was definitely something that was proven to work.
I don’t know when I actually started to believe in signs, but something must have happened, because suddenly things were appearing left, right and centre.
Firstly, men from my past were coming out of the woodwork. They were appearing everywhere I went. Some days I would run into three or four of them in a row. Most of the time I tried to hide or pretend I didn’t see them. There was a reason I hadn’t pursued them. Basically I had no feelings for any of them. Yes, I was a downright bitch. I was acting like a man; screwing around and not giving a shit about their feelings. How then, was I supposed to find a loving relationship when I was obviously holding onto a negative attitude about them?
I think that was the first ‘sign’ that I needed to change my own pattern of thinking.
I realised too that I was getting too comfortable. I know that’s not necessarily a bad thing, but I needed something more challenging. I wasn’t getting that here.
I certainly appreciated everything that had happened in the past three years, but I was getting itchy feet again. I needed to get out of the country and go somewhere else. To be honest, I’d been feeling this way for awhile, but I’d been ignoring it. I knew that I had needed to come back again and lay old ghosts to rest, but I also knew that eventually I would have to move on.
The seed had been planted and the wheels were beginning to turn…
I suddenly knew that I couldn’t and wouldn’t be staying.