134. Bring on the Cheese:
Why had I ever said yes in the first place?
I didn’t even like the guy. Yet, at the same time, I felt sorry for him. He’d been dumped by his ex-girlfriend, he’d been kicked out of his apartment by his flatmates and he’d bought me another drink at the bar.
I think it was the drink that cemented my doom.
“So how about dinner on Saturday night?” he’d asked.
I couldn’t say no. I’m one of those stupid people who feel sorry for someone and then take it upon myself to fix their life. Maybe it’s because my own life is in ruins or maybe I’m just a sucker for punishment.
Whatever it was, I needed to find a really decent, and by decent, I mean genuine excuse, to get out out of our ‘date.’
I had less than 24 hours.
“Why don’t you tell him your aunt died?” my friend, Sally suggested.
“Nah, he’s the type of guy who would then come over to comfort me,” I replied.
Sally raised her eyebrows in surprise. “He sounds like a nice guy then… so why…?”
I cut her off. “Exactly! He’s a nice guy! I don’t ‘do’ nice guys Sal, everyone knows that. I choose the most fucked-up dickheads who will treat me like shit instead. This guy is not my type AT ALL.”
“Is he good-looking?” she asked.
I didn’t have to consider the answer. He was fucking hot, no doubt about it. But he was… nice. I hated that word. If I could describe a guy using that word, I knew I wouldn’t date him in a million years.
So what the fuck had happened here?! I still wasn’t sure.
“Oh my God, I’ve got it!” I yelled, loud enough to make Sally jump with surprise.
“Yeah?” she asked.
“Bring on the cheese baby! Pass me the milk and give me some of that ice cream!” I said, grinning wickedly.
“Oh shit, Jess, no…” she said. “You know what dairy does to you! Why would you do that to yourself?”
“To get out of a date,” I answered smugly.
I couldn’t believe I hadn’t thought of it sooner. Yep, a lactose overload would ensure I was never stepping out of the house that night.
Goodbye Mr. Nice Guy! Hello… Mr. Toilet!
Yep, the things I do to avoid nice guys.