People talk about wars and killing and the hurt that one human being can inflict on another, but many people forget that sometimes the fiercest battle is the one that we have with ourselves; the battle between head and heart.
I know I wrote the other day about my past problems with goodbyes and it’s easy to tell yourself that you’ve moved on from that. The truth of the matter is though, your heart doesn’t always agree. Your head can try and convince you, but deep down you know you still feel something.
You cannot care about someone deeply, someone you felt was a kindred spirit and someone you recognized part of yourself in and simply forget them when they’re gone. It doesn’t work like that. Your heart doesn’t work like that. Your head can try and tell you it does, but in the end you know it’s not true.
It hurts. It really hurts.
Nearly a week has gone by and yet I’m still processing it. For two days I felt like I’d been hit by a truck. Every single part of my body hurt. But I felt lighter and brighter and happier than I have in years.
Yet I still hurt.
The last two days I’ve had the worst upset stomach I’ve had in years. When I say years, I mean close to 10 years. I haven’t felt this level of anxiety for about the same time. I know it’s all related and I know I need to go a bit easier on myself because I’ve been going hell for leather and keeping busy… possibly to try and keep my mind off it.
I’m not in love anymore, but that doesn’t mean the strength of my feelings is any less. When you care about someone or something, either romantically, or simply friendship, it’s difficult to accept that it’s gone.
This is the kind of battle we all face at some point. The battle between head and heart. I know we all like to think we’re in control and like to think that our head rules, but you know what?
Our hearts always know the truth.
And they always win, even if we think they don’t.