108. Taking Chances:
Jamie closed the book with a snap and sat back with a smile.
Brene Brown’s book, ‘Daring Greatly,’ had made her laugh out loud, cringe in recognition of herself and sympathize with those she understood. It had also made her face the reality she had been trying to ignore for so long because it made her uncomfortable:
She avoided telling people she loved them in case they didn’t love her back.
“Fuck balls!” she said out loud, to no one in particular. She was alone in her apartment and despite the fact that most of the time she enjoyed it, she realised with a sinking feeling that he’d been right all along.
The man she had feelings for had told her that he didn’t believe she was happy being single. Or to be precise, he’d said she might be happy now, but what about in 10 years time?
“Fuck balls,” she said again.
She hated that he was right. She also hated the fact that he knew he was right and that he knew she was angry with him because he was right.
She sighed and took another swig of her drink.
“Why can’t I just tell him?!” she exclaimed in despair. “Why can’t I say the words out loud?!”
Those three little words she’d avoided for so long were on the tip of her tongue, but she didn’t even want to admit them to herself. Or maybe, she had no problem admitting them, but actually saying them out loud was another thing altogether. Writing them down was easy, but speaking them… no. She couldn’t do it. By speaking them, she gave them power and made them real.
I ain’t ready for that shit, she thought to herself.
Yes you are! You can do it! cheered her subconscious. One of you has to take a chance and say the words! Why are you leaving it up to him? You know he feels the same.
Taking chances was risky.
Taking chances meant getting hurt.
Taking chances meant shit finally got real and you had to deal with whatever came next.
“I can do this…” she whispered to herself and dialed his number.
“Hey, it’s me,” she said. “That question you asked me the other night… Yeah… I’m in love with you.”
It was a relief to finally say the words; to finally put them out there. It didn’t matter what his reply was. She’s taken the chance and didn’t expect a thing.
Taking chances was what life and love was all about. If you didn’t take chances, you weren’t really living.