103. Secret Message:
I wasn’t Japanese, but I’d ‘read the air,’ and I was right.
His eyes contained a secret message.
With just one glance, a line had been crossed and there was no going back. We’d started something and I wasn’t sure if either of us were going to finish it.
I wasn’t sure there WAS a finish.
I couldn’t remember what had happened because my mind seemed to be just one great big blur of thoughts. They were like spiderwebs that clung to you no matter how hard you tried to shake them.
I’d tried meditation to see if that would calm my thoughts and maybe make sense of it all, but I couldn’t sit still for long enough. I’d tried sleeping and a combination of drugs and alcohol, but all that did was cause lucid dreams. I wasn’t sure if the dreams were from the stimulants or if it was just my twisted mind playing tricks on me.
In the end I’d done what I always do when I can’t think clearly and don’t want to face reality: I ran.
I hadn’t run for nearly 10 years, but that morning I laced up my joggers and headed for the river and I ran and ran and ran.
And for a brief moment in time, my mind was totally clear.
But then I stopped.
And my thoughts caught up to me.