76. Missing You:
I’d been sorting through a lot of emotions lately and like everything in my life, I felt I needed to get rid of some stuff. That’s why I had finally decided to get my arse into gear and clean out the top cupboard of my bedroom. I knew it would be painful, especially since so much of Lewis’ stuff was stored there too, but I needed to accept the fact that he was gone.
I’d managed to throw away a lot of things: clothes that no longer fitted me, old textbooks from university days and tax records that dated well back that I definitely had no use for now. I thought I’d finished until I noticed a small box set right at the back. It was a silver cardboard one with no decoration on the outside and no labels to indicate what was inside. Lewis had always been so anal about categorizing things that I didn’t think it could be anything related to him.
I was wrong.
Inside the box was an envelope with my name on it. I flipped it over and withdrew the single sheet of paper with handwriting on it.
I knew at some point you’d have to clean out this cupboard (God knows it needed it!) and I wanted to say so many things before I left, but knew I’d never be able to get the words out without breaking down completely. I wanted you to think I was strong, not the terrified man who felt more like a small boy. I also knew how much it would have hurt you to know that I was hurting too.
By now you will have been without me for some time and I hope that even though you’re sad, that you’re getting on with life and not thinking about me too much. I must say, I’m missing you terribly too and one day, I know we’ll be together again.
Until that day, my dear Marlie, I just want to say I love you and that you were the best thing that ever happened to me.
I sat stunned.
When had he written this?
All I knew, was that I missed him every single day.
But I did agree with him. One day we would be reunited but until that day that I met him in Heaven, I was going to try my best to live my life to the full.
He wouldn’t have wanted me to have it any other way.