It had been one of those days. I’d slept in, I couldn’t find my school shoes, I’d made my lunch but forgotten it on the kitchen bench and I’d fallen asleep in Maths (doesn’t everyone?) and been yelled at by the teacher. It didn’t think it could get any worse. I’ve now learned that’s not true.
I was putting my books in my locker, minding my own business when one of the football guys bumped into me. Now of course, it was his fault, but because he was a football guy, I was automatically in the wrong.
“Who the fuck are you?” he sneered in my face, reeking of sweat, gym socks and something I believe was testosterone.
I wasn’t going to stand for his bullshit, so I replied, “Mark. What’s it to you?”
Wrong answer, Mark, I discovered.
He grabbed my collar, shoved me into the side of the locker, the handle jamming into my right kidney. I must have winced because I saw him smirk.
“Now listen to me, Mark,” he said. “I’m going to let you off this time because you don’t seem to be familiar with who I am.”
“Who are you?” I asked innocently.
What the fuck was wrong with me?! I thought to myself. Some part of my brain seemed to have a mind of its own and it was controlling or perhaps, not controlling anything it said.
I knew it was coming. I saw his eyes narrow and his fist bunch. I ducked as he swung and his right fist connected with the locker above me where my head had been. He was as shocked as me and I took the opportunity to scoot around him. I knew it was futile to run but my body seemed possessed and before I knew what I was doing, I’d grabbed his pants and pulled as hard as I could.
As both his pants and underpants came down, I heard him roar, but not before everyone around us had stopped, pointed and started laughing. I wasn’t sure what they were laughing at, but when I looked up, I found myself face-to-face with THE smallest penis I have ever seen.
I saw the shock and horror on his face and the fear in his eyes, but I knew that no matter what happened and how embarrassed he was, I was not going to live a very long life. His football buddies would make sure of that. Why, oh why, did I always complicate my own life? This was definitely the worst day ever.
Saved by the bell? Something about it didn’t sound right, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it.
I woke up with a start to find myself in bed, the telephone ringing and the realization as I looked at my clock that I was indeed very late for school.