I was having dinner with a friend last night and he taught me something very important. We were discussing TV drama series and I told him about my obsession with Japanese and Korean ones. He commented on the fact that they are actually doing me (and countless other women) more harm than good. This was his reasoning and I cannot fault it.
The fact of the matter is that all of these shows depict how real love is supposed to be according to a fantasy. They’re totally unrealistic and so when our own boyfriend doesn’t live up to that of the TV show, we get disappointed. In other words, the real issue is that we have what are referred to as ‘expectations.’
We want someone to be a certain way or we think that they should be a certain way and we don’t take into consideration that they aren’t the movie or TV star that we’ve placed on a pedestal. Love should be without expectations and I guess this is what unconditional love really is about: loving somebody as they are and not as you think they are or should be, according to either your own or someone else’s judgement or opinion.
When I confessed how I felt about someone the other day to a friend, her reaction was both judgmental and extremely negative. She told me he was bad for me and that what I was doing and feeling was wrong. She’s never met him, she’s never heard his story and she’s basing all of her opinions on her own morals, values and experiences. I think she needs to be more open-minded.
To me, the main lesson I’ve learned in love is that love isn’t supposed to be one way or another. It’s different for each person and each couple and the act of comparing what you do or don’t have with someone else is both time-wasting and stressful for you. It’s unnecessary. Nobody has the right to judge what you have with someone as being right or wrong. Or perhaps, I should say, they are entitled to their opinion, but ultimately, you need to make the decision based on what you think and feel, not on what someone else does. Fuck em’ I say! 🙂 Go get him!