365 Prompt: June 28 2017

Summer is… :

The rainy season.

Rain boots.




Beer gardens. 

Summer festivals. 



Bugs in general. 


Wind chimes. 

Yukata (ゆかた) or summer kimono. 


Air conditioning. 




Trips to the islands. 


Kakigouri (かき氷) or shaved ice. 

Gelato or ice cream in general. 


Tanabata (たなばた) or the Star Festival.

Long days. 

Vacation… Thank fuck. 

365 Prompt: June 27 2017


She was dedicated. That you had to admit. 

She just kept trying and trying. 

He wondered how far he could push her before she snapped. He knew she wouldn’t give up. She was the most stubborn person he knew and he knew a lot of people. 

Everyday she would ask for the same thing and everyday he didn’t reply. At least, not in a straight forward kind of way. He wondered if that was what kept her going; faith in signs and things she felt meant something.

Being God might have been tough, but he didn’t think being human was any easier.

365 Prompt: June 26 2017

Back door: 

Everyone knew not to use our front door. It was for people we didn’t know or didn’t like; like the Jehovah’s Witness. 

Our garage door was the one used by most people and the familiar banging of the screen door as it rattled in its frame could tell us exactly who it was. By this I mean that the intensity and the duration of the knock allowed us to determine whether we wanted to answer it or not. 

Very few people came around to the back door. Only special people and long term friends knew that it was okay to do that. 

I guess in a way it was like anal sex. You didn’t let just anyone try. You needed to build up to that and have a trusting and long-term relationship. 

The funny things kids say

Okay, this post is long overdue. I’ve been working at my new job, an international kindergarten where all students are Japanese, for the past few months. During this time, I’ve learned a lot.

Firstly, I’ve discovered that kids are wonderful. I mean, I was the person who used to say I didn’t like them. That wasn’t technically true, but I wasn’t sure if I knew how to handle them. It turns out, neither do some parents. Sometimes I have to admit that the physical act of having a child does not make you a good mother (or father if we’re not talking physical). Truth be told, most parents have no idea what they’re doing when they first start out. There isn’t a manual on how to ‘operate’ a child and thus, most people just make it up as they go along. Life is similar; just a collection of trial and error moments.

Anyway, tangent aside, I realised that not only am I actually a natural with kids this age, but I relate to them in a way I never have with adults. They’re honest. Brutally so sometimes. Somewhere along the way kids are told to stop being like that.

“It’s rude to say that,” they’re told.

“You can’t say that,” they’re told.

“You shouldn’t feel that way,” they’re told.

Fuck adults, I say.

The second thing I’ve learned is that you are utterly exhausted after a day with them. I come home most days now and fall asleep on my floor before dinner, wake up, eat and then crawl into my futon which I’ve barely been able to set up.

Perhaps the best thing though is that I’ve learned kids are hilarious. I mean, laugh out loud kind of stuff. Hence, this post.

Here is a collection of anecdotes I’ve been compiling since I started.



  • Friday is Snack Day. The kids get a snack if they’ve done good work and have been well behaved that week. Like a reward. Anyway, the other day I sat them down and said, “Why do we get snacks?” One little boy looked at me like I’d asked the dumbest thing ever (he might be right) and replied, “Because it’s Friday?” That wasn’t the response I was looking for, but yeah, he had a point…


  • I wear my glasses all the time and the other day I stopped to take them off to rub my eye. One boy started yelling, “Put your glasses back on!” I did because I wanted to stop him from yelling but was surprised when he said, “You’re not Jade without them.” His response was exactly what I wished some adult men and women I know need to hear. I have been told by some stupid people, “Oh, you have such beautiful eyes! You shouldn’t wear your glasses.” And the best one (by a stupid woman AND family friend I might add!): “Men would be more attracted to you if you didn’t wear your glasses.” Since I’m a contrary shit, that just made me wear them more often. Plus, A. Why would I want to attract a man who was that superficial? And B. I wouldn’t be able to see him anyway without my glasses. J


  • Ah yes, swimming. That brings up a whole new topic of conversation with the kids. I was telling my mum the other day that I have now seen more penises than I need (or want) to see in my lifetime. Four-year-old boys are obsessed with theirs and as I told the manager of the school, it gets worse as they get older. Anyway, the first week one boy jumped in front and me and said in Japanese, “Jade, look at my chin-chin!” Chin-chin is a slang word for penis. The thing was though, he used the honorific term with ‘o’ in front of it. Thus, he was basically saying, “Look at my magnificent penis!” That alone made me laugh and so I had to explain not to refer to his own as magnificent but that it was perfectly acceptable to say it to someone else. I may have scarred this boy for life… Dear God.


  • Second swimming penis story… The next one involves a different boy who decided to jump in front of me totally naked whilst I was supervising them getting changed and yelling, “Jade, look at my penis!” At this point I was so sick of them saying it that my response was, “You know what? I don’t care. Every week I see it and every week you want to show me and every week it looks the same. I’m not impressed.” He gave me a very adult male look that said I’d clearly hurt his ego and then tucked it back into his swimmers and said, “Ah okay, fine.”


  • The next swimming story involves a boy and a girl. The kids were changing after swimming and I turned around to find one of the boy’s eyes literally a few centimetres away from one of the girl’s pubic region. I yelled at him, “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” He stood up, puzzled look on his face and asked, “Jade, why don’t girls have chin-chins?” In the two seconds I searched for an answer I found myself saying, “Because they’re girls.” It satisfied him and he said, “Hmm, okay,” and wandered off to continue changing.


  • We have a song and dance activity during the week where all classes sing and dance together in a circle with the songs they’re learning that month. One of the songs involves the words, “Baby shark, mommy shark, daddy shark,” etc. The other day during play time in the morning one of the boys told me he was daddy shark. Another little girl piped up she was mommy shark. I said, “I’m baby shark.” The boy shook his head. “No, you’re not. You’re grandma shark.” Shut down.


  • The last story happened just last week when the weather was getting hotter and the kids needed their hat to go outside. He was walking out of the classroom to line up with the others when I called him back to get his hat. He said, “Jade, it’s partly cloudy today, I don’t need my hat.” WHERE THE HELL DID YOU LEARN THAT LANGUAGE?! I thought to myself. Turns out he actually does listen and reads the weather chart we do each day. It was such an adult thing to say I had to laugh. And yes, I made him take his hat.

365 Prompt: June 25 2017


The glasses were purely decorative. She didn’t need them. She just liked them because they made her look, ‘bookish,’ boring and predictable. 

You’re a nerd, they’d said. You can’t hang with us if you’re a nerd. 

She smiled, biting down hard on her lip with wry amusement. 

Blood. She could taste blood. She’d bitten too hard. 

Oh how little you know, she sang under her breath. 

Your daddies are so easy; no challenge at all. Your brothers. Even your boyfriends. 

Everyone secretly wants a nerd, she thought to herself. Girls like that seem so innocent. 

It was always fun when men realised she had more experience than they would ever have. It made it more exciting somehow. 

And it was all about the thrill. No one wanted boring. They just liked the illusion. 

Shy, nerdy Lacey on the outside. Vixen and man eater on the inside. 

She sighed. 

But it was all getting so boring. She needed a challenge. 

Or maybe she just wanted someone to see her for who she really was. 

365 Prompt: June 24 2017


I could feel it rising. I had tried to control it but like everything that was suppressed, eventually it came back, more intense and bloodthirsty than ever. 

Lust. The unmistakable feeling of lust. 

I needed it. 

I knew what the profile said. Serial killer. Serial rapist. 

But I was no rapist. They came willingly. They knew exactly what was going to happen. Why else would they come? They wanted it. They were asking for it. 

Well not to be killed of course but the sex, yes. 

I wasn’t sure who my next victim was. I just knew I needed to find him soon. 

I was hungry. 

And a hungry woman needed to be fed. 

365 Prompt: June 23 2017

Lost time:  

The years I has spent in Japan could be summed up in three words: drinking, eating and sex. 

Not necessarily in that order.

Most people spend their twenties doing all that. I had spent it with an eating disorder which meant no alcohol, no junk food (or much of anything that I didn’t class as ‘good’ food) and absolutely zero contact with any man.

I had literally had all my Christmas’ come at once in Japan. I guess I had become the person I was supposed to be; an ordinary human who has needs and wants and the real me I had tried to keep suppressed. 

When I lamented my bad habits or moaned to my mum about my misadventures she simply told me I was making up for lost time. 

I knew now I had more than made up for it and to be honest, I just wanted my boring and predictable life back. 

I wanted security, with one man who loved me to pieces and who (to the shock and horror of my feminist self), would take care of me, protect me and love sex just as much as me. 

I was starting to think he didn’t exist. Or if he did, he was very, very, very late.