As a follow-up from my forgiveness post this morning, I wanted to write one about being true to who you are and learning to accept yourself fully. And yes, sometimes that means not being so hard on yourself and learning to forgive yourself.
Here’s what I have learned:
Last year I was a happy, free, totally true-to-myself kind of woman. Yes, the type I’d always admired and finally realised I had become.
Then something changed.
I met someone who in the beginning appeared to like me for me, but gradually wore away at my true and very real self and almost made me forget who I was.
I became someone who tried desperately to gain the smallest piece of acceptance from someone who didn’t respect me despite what he said. Remember, actions speak louder than words.
I became someone who bit-by-bit changed herself in order to keep the peace.
What I learned from that made me who I am today: more real, more secure, more confident and abso-fucking-lutely, never going to do that again for another human being.
In fact, if you have to do that for anyone, you’re hanging with the wrong crowd! 🙂
So, this is my advice which for once in my life, is advice I know I am absolutely qualified to give.
DO NOT CHANGE FOR ANYBODY.
That’s it. Plain and simple. But no, not as simple as that, so I’ll break it down a bit for you.
The reason people are attracted to you in the first place is because of who you are. Yes, the messy, emotional, authentic self with crazy hair, bursts of passion and wild ideas.
Stay true to who you are. I’m not saying that you can’t evolve as a person; that is essential for personal growth, but do not compromise on your values or who you are as a person for anyone else’s comfort, happiness or peace of mind. That says something about THEIR insecurities, issues etc., and nothing about yours. If someone wants you to change or even worse, is sneaky about it and tries to make you feel guilty, ashamed or blames you for who, what or how you are, the only thing you need to change is their relationship status to you.
They are not your friend or your boyfriend or girlfriend. They are trying to satisfy their own wants, desires, needs and insecurities by making you feel worthless.
In fact, if you get down to it, they are insanely jealous that you are as comfortable in your own skin and they want desperately to be the same.
You don’t need anybody’s permission to be who you are. If you are happy with yourself, that is enough. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
And maybe even most importantly of all: never ever apologise for who you are. If you have to apologise, that’s a huge red flag warning you to keep your distance from that person. If you feel sad or angry or ashamed around that person by being yourself and feel you need to change, again, ditch the person, not yourself. There is nothing to be ashamed of for being you.
If everything fails and you end up falling for their bullshit which sometimes we all do, don’t blame yourself over and over and keep beating yourself up about it. You might feel disgusted with yourself because you told yourself this would never happen. Sometimes though, it does. Big deal. Forgive yourself, file the lesson you learned and move on. Once you’ve learned this lesson, I guarantee the person will leave your life forever. You don’t want or need them anymore. You have yourself and THAT, is absolutely enough.
As Bruno Mars once sang, you are perfect, “Just the Way You Are.”